The monkey made me do it

One more thing... (warning: bit of a rant)

I know I mentioned this ages ago, but it continues to be an issue.
I get at least 10 e-mails a week from men saying "What's up?" "How are you?" "Hello." "How was your weekend?" When I go dancing men always ask (in this order) "Where are you from?" "What do you do?" "How long have you been dancing?" or the variant "How was your weekend?", then "Where are you from?" etc. I understand that there is a typical path to take when you want to become acquainted with a person, and that these are the normal questions that people ask when they are interested in you.

I'M #@!!* SICK OF THEM!! I REFUSE TO TELL ONE MORE PERSON WHERE I'M FROM AND WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING! I WILL NO LONGER SAY MY WEEKEND WAS FINE ONLY TO HEAR THAT THEIRS WAS TOO SHORT AND THEY DID LAUNDRY! I CAN NOT SMILE AND PRETEND TO BE INTERESTED THAT THEY ARE DOING COMPUTER PROGRAMMING BUT WANT TO GET INTO GRAPHIC DESIGN SOMEDAY!!

I believe this is called dating oversaturation.
It's gotten to the point that if I ever get a message that contains none of the above shorthand and instead contains full sentences of interesting information (I've given up on funny. Nobody's funny anymore), even if I look and find that we're COMPLETELY incompatible I'll write them a response just to encourage such original behaviors. I don't know if it's working or not. Unique e-mails are still far in the minority.

I think it all comes back to a pet peeve I developed in Texas. They have a very polite society but it is completely devoid of meaning much of the time. I noticed that everyone said "Hi! How are you doing!" (note the exclamation point instead of the question mark). The other person rarely told the original questioner how they were doing, nor were they required to. If they ever did, it was an awkward "fine", then a rush on to the rest of the conversation. I saw people ask people how they were doing and then walk directly past them without even giving the pretense of waiting for a reply. They don't really care, in fact I think it would ruin Texan conversation to ever find out just how the other person is truly doing. It's the facade of compassion. The thin veneer of a fake relationship. It drove me nuts. Still does. But then I remember that one Texan guy who stopped with his arms full of heavy boxes to hold open a door with a motion sensor for me. That was worth the whole four years of southern "charm". He stood in the opening and sort of wiggled around every now and then so the door wouldn't close on him. I was quite a ways away and kept slowing down my pace, hoping that he'd give up on his crazy chivalric quest but he didn't and I had to hold that giggle until I was far down the hall (it was a loud one).

So - men. I am not going to humor you any more. If you are boring I am not going to be polite and tell you I'm not interested because you live far away or that I'm really too busy to have a relationship right now. I'm going to ignore you and delete your message and hope that next time you try harder with the next girl. If you are interesting and we are not compatible yet you still want to date (for reference, here are issues that I need to agree with you on, or there is no point: 1. Dogs 2. Religion 3. Kids 4. Hunting 5. Old people 6. Trees 7. Kevin Costner) , I will probably not reply to you too much because it is misleading and I don't want to get your hopes up. If you are interesting and want to be friends, I will keep you at arm's length until I know you'll behave and then we can probably hang out. If you are interesting and we are compatible and interested also in me, watch out. You are rare. I might do something rash. But until that happens, I'm stopping smiling when people say unfunny things. I'm stopping the small talk that I'm only putting a teensy portion of my brain into (while the rest is doing crossword puzzles and snoozing). If you try to hold a conversation with me and only stay with the safe questions, be prepared for me to ask you if you've ever been mugged or if that guy over there were to dye his hair, what you think the best color would be (warning: I always think red, but am often wrong). And if you get confused, I'll go away. No more dating charity that encourages mediocrity and leaves me wanting to stab my eye out with the fork just so we'd have something new to talk about.

This is your official notice.

posted by LadyJay @ 5:35 PM