The monkey made me do it

Biscuits?!

I'm not going to get into the why/where/how-in-God's-green-earth-ness of it, but recently I found myself doing what I attempted to achieve for all of the years I attended my Assemblies of God church youth group back in the day.

I spoke in tongues.

All it took was nine bottles of hard lemonade drinks (they taste like caaaandy) and four shots of good tequila. I'm a little bitter, honestly, since the guilt about non-tongue-speaking was high in the Pentecostal church priority list, and now that I know how it's done nobody's around to be happy for me.

Sounded like a good time, though. Reconstructed dialogue from the next morning (I had to have help with the timeline, since I don't remember half of the evening) sounded like I not only changed subject mid-sentence, but often times mid-word. I also went on a mini rant (from what they could tell) about how Trader Joe's Grocery Store should have a humanoid version and a canine version, and that the biscuits are in the shhhhuuuuaaaargh. I napped with my forehead on the table for a while at that point. Then I spilled a full bottle of gin in my friend's crotch and had to be carried to my tent, where I spent the evening redecorating it with the contents of my stomach. Helluva way to turn 30! Remind me not to do THAT again (the 30 part, not the projectile vomiting though it would be nice to skip that part in the future).

It's kind of fun to see exactly what your subconscious mind would do if given free reign. Apparently mine is working on a grand scheme to reorganize Trader Joe's into a multispecies super-mega-market and has an aversion to gin.

In other news, I'm unemployed again and am helping out the guy whose crotch I baptized with an architectural project or two while job hunting. I'm also selecting linoleum patterns in exchange for a badly needed haircut and trying to get temporary receptionist/admin. assistant work on top of it all. Good times all around.

posted by LadyJay @ 5:08 PM