Dear Diary
A friend loaned me a new book to read that chronicles the diary entries of a woman from age 11 to 25 or so, showing her journey from popular girl to outcast to raver to drug addict ("Dear Diary" by Lesley Arfin). Oh, and then she goes to rehab and writes the book so yay for semi-happy, not-quite-as-depressing endings! She also writes updates after each diary entry where she either clarifies what was going on or tracks down the people involved for an interview. All that in order to say that it was/is a good book and an example of an interesting exercise in personal memoir theory, and that it totally inspired me to pull out my earliest diaries and see if anything in my life was remotely book-worthy.
Short answer: No. I have never been interested in drugs and didn't start drinking until college, and even that has never really gotten me into too much trouble. Most of what I wrote about in my early diaretical years (15+, apparently I didn't have the urge to write much of anything besides odd dreams through junior high) was about what I happened to do that day and boys.
Long answer: Maybe, but solely a screenplay for what would be an excellent soap opera or telenovela! I had forgotten just how incestual and convoluted the dating world in a small town can be, and how awful it was to try to fight the women there for the few men that could be considered boyfriend-worthy. Here's an example from my own dating history, with names adjusted to protect any future I might have in politics.
The players are:
(Female) = Myself, Sis, and K (a pretty, young, blonde thing).
(Male) = Batchelors #1, 2, and 3.
Batchelor #1 was my first real boyfriend (after an attempt at dating another guy that lasted all of a month, between Homecoming and the Christmas Ball. We never talked and I'm not even sure we were really dating) and what I considered to be the love of my teenage life. We were the most sickening sort of couple for months, until the fateful day when I tried to make conversation by saying that Batchelor #3 (who was a friend of mine, NOT with benefits or anything like that, just a friend) was having problems with his girlfriend K, and that I was worried about him. This led to 1 cheating on me with what I in my diary called a "totally UGLY" girl named Heidi (in supposed retaliation for what he assumed was my cheating on HIM with Batchelor #3), who he then cheated on with another girl. I wasn't supposed to know this, so I acted surprised when he broke up with me and agreed to be "just friends" while secretly planning to stab him in his sleep. After Heidi dumped him, Sis asked him to her Prom, and he accepted. They had a lovely time (the pictures are wonderful, he in his mullet and 80's clothes, her with her teased hair and ruffles). Since I was unable to stab him with my sibling in the way, apparently I gave up and we later dated for another month before I broke up with him for showing cheater-like behavior (again, staying "just friends" and not giving anything like the real reason for the breakup. Hey, I was 15). Sis remained good friends with him for years. He now attends my parent's church with his family and makes my few hesitant visits there every year painstakingly AWKWARD.
Batchelor #2 was my second real boyfriend, though he'd been on a couple dates with Sis before we hooked up. Our relationship was pointless and meandering, and it was almost a relief to find out that he had been cheating on me with K (yes, Batchelor #3's K) and then break up. The day after the breakup he went on a date with Sis, though their relationship (as far as I knew) was mercifully brief. Later, K dated his little brother. He's now married, kids, etc. etc.
Batchelor #3 was the guy that I SHOULD have been dating all of this time, but we were actually for-reals "just friends", and good ones at that. He was a natural counselor and needed to be, with all of my insane dating tales. He also was a total push-over where K was concerned, and had his heart stomped on for a long time by Batchelor #2 and others. We did end up dating a bit a couple years after Batchelor #1 suspected me of infidelity, but #3 wanted to marry and settle down and I preferred college and the wandering path. He's also now married, kids (probably), no contact, etc.
So in summary,
#1 = friends with Sis, friends with me, involved with me, involved with others (simultaneously with me), involved with Sis, "friends" with me, involved with me, then lost to the great unknown (but not really far enough for my tastes). K was not in the picture (he was from another school, or I'm sure she would have been)
#2 = friends with Sis, friends with me, involved with Sis, involved with me, involved with K (simultaneously with me), "friends" with me, involved with Sis, his bro involved with K.
#3 = friends with Sis, friends with me, involved with K (simultaneously with #2), friends with me, involved with me, then lost. Thank God he was never involved with Sis or I think my head would have exploded.
Anyone else feel like they need a bar graph or pie chart or something? Later on, they all went to college at the same place and became good friends. For reals.
In Sis's defense, though it seems like she was all over my boyfriends I have to emphasize that we never dated anyone at the same time, though we did get awfully close. Also, as I mentioned before the pickings were slim, and she was kind enough to let me hang out with her friends (she knew these guys before I did) and tag along to many a movie, dance, or party. I appreciated her social training very much in those years, being a shy little butterfly coming into high school. She's gone very far in her man selection since then, and her current husband is not only, like, 200 times cuter than these guys but he's also a lot of fun and a good father to their collection of children.
Another discovery I made was this paragraph (please pardon the 15-year-old continuing boycraziness):
"Ya know, I really want a boyfriend. After I put Sis's diary back (older JB edit – I didn't read it! I found it, but couldn't go through with the peeking even though this was after Batch #1 and I broke up and she was going out with him), I still couldn't sleep. So, I got dressed, put on a blanket and went out to look at the stars. They were gorgeous (old JB – one benefit of a small town life is no light pollution). If I ever get married my husband will have to love looking at the stars. Tonight was the perfect night for two people to cuddle up and just look away and soak up their brilliance. Of course, when you're alone it isn't recommended because you end up remembering how safe you felt in his arms, and how much you want him to be there with you. I still need to decide who "he" is. The people I feel the best around are [Batchelor #3] and [Batchelor #1]. However, I can't have either one of them. See my dilemma? Dad did. He's so sweet. He came out with me and we talked for a while. He's really worried about me, I can tell. I would say "no need", but I don't really know if that's true yet. When I marry I wish my husband is as caring and kind as dad was tonight."
He braved a very late night (my parents rarely stay up past 9, I'm sure this was after midnight), a very light-sleeping and potentially grumpy wife, and certain overwrought teenage angst to sit on the deck and talk to me about love. To say I appreciated it would be the understatement of the decade. He is without a doubt the main reason that I continue to believe in the dream of finding a good man.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home