The monkey made me do it

Nothing like waking up to...

This morning I let the pups out into the backyard and wandered out with them in my robe, eating my oatmeal (mmm... Trader Joe's oatmeal), only to find that they both rushed to the fence seperating my sidewalk/yard from my neighbors sidewalk/yard/junk storage area. I kind of live in the ghetto. There was a little moving grey thing hopping along their property, and I peeked closer to see an adolescent sparrow that had miraculously survived a fall from its nest in the neighbor's roof overhang two stories above. It didn't have any feathers, but the fuzz-covered thing was almost as big as its mother (who was hovering nearby with her beak full of crap, freaking out at me and the dogs and probably the situation in general) and pretty mobile, which I'm sure caused the whole problem in the first place.

You may guess that I'm a sucker for lost or hurt animals, based on the current hair-covered contents of my house, and you may be right. However, I looked at the 2-story climb to the nest, looked at the sparrow be-bopping its way towards Rooster in an adorable "are you my mommy?" death-wish hop, thought of the almost hourly feeding and care that a baby sparrow needs until it matures, and thought that the wild animal rescue places I'm familiar with probably wouldn't consider a sparrow a "wild" creature.

Then I grabbed the dogs and went back inside, and went to work, and now it's bugging me. So, to calm my failed-sparrow-rescuer's guilt, here is what happened after I left:

Situation A:
Sparrow mom develops supersparrow strength at the realization that her baby has bounced out of his nest. She grabs her giant child with her wings and FLINGS it up the 20-or-so feet to their nest hole, where he nestles back in with his siblings, pretty much unaware that anything has happened. Mom sparrow goes to get twigs to build a safety railing. The end.

Situation B:
Thanks to the unseasonably warm weather, baby sparrow is able to survive in a shoebox that momma sparrow thoughtfully lines with crap (to form sort of a nest-extension, or nest foreign office. Nest deux. I'll stop now.). She brings him food along with his siblings and he grows big and healthy, though a little unsocialized from being alone with only his mother as an outside contact. Once his wings are covered with feathers and he is able to fly, he joins the greater sparrow universe and after a little therapy he is able to get a honey (though his irrational fondness for shoeboxes causes problems in their relationship from time to time). The end.

Situation C:
Rooster is touched by the little sparrow's attempted adoption, and decides that his call to nurture is not something that should be ignored. He spontaneously grows thumbs and is able to open the back door and leap the fence (oh, he also grows leaping abilities, since right now he can barely get on the couch without falling over) to pick up the baby sparrow in his giant, yet gentle, jaws. He also grows gentle jaws. Rooster whisks the sparrow inside and stashes him in one of the many hidey-holes he's got going around the house, effectively protecting the baby from Monkey (who has not grown anything, and still has the urge to kill little moving things). He regurgitates his food and somehow the baby sparrow learns to love the taste of lamb-flavored kibble and grows up strong and healthy. The two of them spend many long evenings gazing into eachothers eyes and chirping quietly in their own love language. Soon the sparrow has his feathers and is walking around freely (thanks to a well-timed peck to the nose, Monkey has lost all interest in eating Ox anymore) (oh, Rooster named him Ox). He has no urge to fly, since his role-model does just fine walking on the ground, and his only real frustration in life is that it's hard to pick up a tennis ball when all you have to work with his a short, stubby little beak. I develop a special leash for him for our frequent walks, and then we all join the circus. The end.

Okay, I feel better now.

posted by LadyJay @ 10:59 AM