The monkey made me do it

Snowshoeing shadows

(you have to add in your imagination the plasticky "skritch-skritch-skritch" of the snowshoes on the icy snow)

posted by LadyJay @ 12:43 PM 0 comments

Oh, the brakes...

Just said adios to another one-week boyfriend.

Dude couldn't find my brake lights if I gave him a map, a sherpa, and a two-day head start.

I tried to at least point out the turn signals, but when I looked back from inside the car he was wandering the street talking to lamp-posts and telling everyone he met that of COURSE he is ready for a real relationship and is willing to make time for them no matter how busy his schedule is and then completely blowing them off. Metaphorically. Then he hit the sherpa backhanded and skipped off into the distance.

Seriously, though.
He didn't even crack a smile when Rooster kept dropping slimy tennis balls into his crotch while we were trying to make out on my couch.
I can't think of a clearer signal that would indicate "THIS ONE IS NOT FOR ME"

posted by LadyJay @ 12:42 PM 0 comments

Lub

Lisa is one of those friends whose details have begun to escape me through the passage of friendship-time. Where we met? What I thought of her at first? Have we fought? I vaguely remember one fight, and this weekend when we were hiking she reminded me that it was about how to decorate the house we shared for about a year. She’s big on wolves and eagles and a maroon/navy blue/forest green color scheme. I’m big on modern/abstract/Gaudi-ironwork/bright colors in the right places, but since I can’t afford much of that I make my own style. Unfortunately, not featuring either eagles OR wolves (or Native Americans in profile, though she had some of those too). I don’t know if that counts as much of a fight, though. She has psychoanalyzed me through her advanced studies in psychotherapy (and she still talks to me!), I talked her in to letting me get a crazy, abused pound dog and then helping me take her on her daily walkies, and we’ve hiked and camped all over this area and have never yet killed each other.

Ahh, friends.

One of the defining moments of the friendship happened when she and I became self-elected Activities Directors for the church we both attended at the time. We planned all sorts of hikes and trips, and since our committee was founded in February, we decided to have an Anti-Valentine’s Day party for all those single (‘n’ bitter) folks. I think we scared people. The first party was held at my rental house, and we ordered Chinese food and talked for hours about the men whose names we were writing on our Simpsons valentine’s day cards. Then we burned the cards in my fireplace (admittedly, sometimes accompanied by a "BOO-yah"). Over the years, I’ve realized that these names get more and more far-reaching as the evening goes on and we should really stop before I get to entries like “Rod Stewart” and “that guy on the bike this morning”. After the burning we settle in with our chow mein and watch “Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion”, which we have scientifically proven to be the least romantic movie on the planet. Then we do a little ritualistic chanting, make Sweet Hearts poetry, and call it a night.

We've done it since 1999, I think. This year we burned them on my BBQ since the current homestead is lacking in fireplaces, but the spirit was still the same. We also added Vodka Crans, so the festivities this weekend were also characterized by very abstract Sweet Heart Poetry (one of mine: "BE MINE" "MY DEAR" "GET REAL" "(smiley face)" "(smiley face)" "E MAIL" "MY LOVE") (I dunno either).

But this year I wasn't quite feeling it.
May have found a brake-light checker.

posted by LadyJay @ 4:19 PM 0 comments

A little green

I spent the last weekend with a definite tinge, for a couple of different reasons.

#1. My nephew is now officially a teenager! His posture has completely disintegrated overnight, he notices brand names faster than any other object feature, and his emotional range seems to be stuck in "whatever". My sister and his mother is only two years older than me. His sister and my niece is also now officially wearing bras. The world is ending. Green = nausea.

#2. My good friend Patty is the very recent owner of a gorgeous Tudor-style brick home right in the "downtown" of my ex-hometown. While that in itself is not the inspiration of the second green (= envy), the house she bought (for next to nothing) is none other than my Dream Home from age 8-17ish! You know, the one I always passed on my way to school and assigned windows to my master bedroom, the guest room, the bathroom with jacuzzi tub. It's got a beautiful design and plenty of potential, though unfortunately its past owners thought that painting the interior brickwork mint green and sponge-painting over that was a good idea (wait, that's three greens... the mint = green of despair, of anger, of borderline going postal at the thought process that resulted in this design monstrosity). I almost cried. AND they dropped the lovely 9' ceilings in the kitchen with a ceiling grid usually only seen in 1980's era office buildings, complete with fluorescent lighting that does nothing for the aqua-painted cabinetry (though to be fair, given the horrible color it didn't really hurt much either). We spent a few hours on Sunday ripping down country-style wallpaper and tearing the doors off her kitchen cabinets, and talking about all her different options for remodeling. It was hard to leave! It's difficult to choose if I am more envious of her house, the deal she got on it, or the fact that she now gets to remodel the thing entirely.

I'm going back down in a couple of weeks to rip out/off more things and make sure the preggers lady doesn't go up any ladders or sniff anything toxic and drool more at her '40-s era woodwork and try to pretend I'm really not the female wanna-be version of Bob Vila (I have nowhere near his tool collection). The only thing keeping me from turning entirely green is the fact that the affordable remodelable dream house is located in a town that I never want to call my home.

But if we got a really big truck...

posted by LadyJay @ 2:11 PM 0 comments

Two things...

My car has developed a new quirk.

When I signal my intent to make a left hand turn (generally not before I am making the aforementioned turn, but forethought was never one of my strong points), my car now makes loud, harsh ticking noises like the AUTOMOTIVE TIME BOMB that it is.

Also, my cigarette lighter doesn't work, which I was going to use to power a fan so I can see things. So, no seeing things for me.

TICK

Oh, the second thing is that I am now a business with a license and numbers and everything. I'm tempted to make a website for me but I'm not really going to be doing much besides contracting and random design jobs for barter. Seriously. I love barter! My last design job got me three haircuts, a silver bracelet, and a crystal stone bracelet. And a tank of gas. Next time I'm asking for a chicken.

posted by LadyJay @ 3:18 PM 0 comments