The monkey made me do it

Freak magnet still functional

Last night I was slowly walking back to my car after a long night of dancing in 2.5" heels (my feet are out of practice, meaning slowly = sloooooowly, and with cringes every now and then) when I heard a male voice call out from behind me "Hey! We're wearing the same skirt!". Unable to resist the curiosity, I turned to see a scruffy man wearing tight black pants and a shirt undone to his navel, exposing a healthy thatch of soft-looking reddish chest hair. He was carrying a giant pink duffel bag and a container of take-out food, and a hat that was pulled low over his eyes. Here is the conversation that followed:

Me: "Nuh-uhhh"
Mr. Fancy: "You don't believe me?"
Me: "Nope, sorry"
Mr. Fancy: "Hold on, let me show you..."
(here he drops the duffel, sets his food on top, and pulls at what I thought was the top of his pants. Oddly enough, I wasn't frightened (as is usually the case when someone wants to show me something and goes straight for the pants). He adjusted the material until suddenly it straightened, revealing the fact that his navel-bearing shirt was actually the top half of a very slinky women's dress that came down to his knees and actually did resemble mine quite strongly)
Me: "I have to say I am impressed."
(then I noticed that in addition to the dress, he was also wearing a very snazzy women's straw pillbox-type hat with a bow on it. Also black)
Mr. Fancy: "THANK YOU. Nobody believes me anymore. You know? What do you know?"
Me: "Not much tonight, apparently."
Mr. Fancy: "Do you know who I am?"
Me: "Can't say I do."
Mr. Fancy: "Neither did the guy at the bank. They said I was crazy, but I fooled them all and went into the hospital and sat there for three months, and then when I got out the guy at the bank counter stole all my money. You know how much I had? Do you? $45,000! They thought I was crazy but crazy guys don't have that much money. But now I don't have it anymore, and they put me out on the streets."
Me: (nodding, thinking in one corner of my mind that the most I've ever had in the bank at one time is around $3,000, and if you count the fact that I had -$20,000 in school loans at the same time I've actually never had a positive balance. Which means I must be crazy)
Mr. Fancy: "You match so well. Your skirt, your jacket, even your hair matches everything."
Me: "I am a ninja" (serious voice)
Mr. Fancy: "Now the bank guy has all my money and nobody knows who I am, or believes me."
Me: "As long as we keep wearing our fancy skirts, everything will be all right."
Mr. Fancy: "That's right, sister."
Me: "Have a good night, babe."
Mr. Fancy: "YOU ROCK!"

posted by LadyJay @ 10:30 AM