The Fall (TM) - Illustrated!
A little background: For those of you unfamiliar with the snowboard, the rider is strapped on the board one of two directions. The "normal" direction is with the toes facing right, and "goofy-footed" is with toes facing left. I was "normal" (first time those words have been typed in a while), and therefore learned the toe turn as a graceful sweep towards the right (leaning towards the toes, get it?) and the heel turn as a sweep towards the left. Or at least I SHOULD have learned those two options. What I actually learned was how to execute a very nice heel turn, but every attempt at a toe turn ended up with a whooping face thud into the snow. Lots of turning left in my brief snowboarding career.HOW TO FALL WELL (a.k.a. be able to say "I wasn't falling, you imbecile, you merely caught me mid-really-cool-trick that entailed me laying in the snow for a little bit"):
The important part is to start out facing towards the right, because no amount of bunny-slope practice will allow you to naturally turn that direction without massive amounts of pain. So, head down the mountain (going RIGHT - take advantage of that feeling while you can) and casually make that lovely heel turn that encompasses the only true snowboarding move you can do without bruising. Now that you're heading left and have gotten your confidence up, dang it, go ahead and try to do that elusive toe turn again! This time is the time! Yaaay!
After you have face-planted and can feel your legs again (this may take some time), rest on your stomach for a while, looking down the steep slope of the mountain and enjoy the whooshing of your fellow skiiers and boarders as they whip by you yet again.
When ready and done with the ponderance of whooshing, flip over onto your back with your board still above you on the slope. This is not as easy as it sounds, as you are strapped onto the board and it is a very long and unwieldy thing. Do not expect to look even remotely cool during this segment of The Fall (TM). In fact, I looked so uncool even in the dramatic reenactment (starring: my mini ironing board as "Snowboard" and my Roos as "Extra Uber Cool Snowboarding Boots") that this segment will have to be provided by your overactive imaginations. Basically, end up like this:
Once on your back, take your snowboard-encumbered feet and kick them straight up, over your body and slightly diagonally over your shoulder, landing the board back on the snow again. This is the cool part. It also helps to be a bit flexible during this section, though honestly once you start the kick, with the combination of the snowboard weight and the slope of the mountain it all just kind of happens naturally whether you want it to or not (hooray, gravity!). Roll your body around to follow the snowboard and you will automatically be standing upright on your snowboard again, though unfortunately facing leftward. Like this.
You may not be able to see it in the last photo, but in fact instead of being crumpled at the end of my bed after flipping off the footboard (as it may appear), I am actually triumphantly standing on my ironing/snowboard waving to the assembled adoring crowd. Look closer, you can see it if you squint. Anyways, once up again (like me! in that photo! dangit!), turn your board while still not moving (this is important, as you want to at least move a little bit before falling again). I find that a twisting, hopping motion sometimes does the trick. Again, you will not look cool for this part. Sorry.
(In fact, if you are trying to impress fellow skiiers and boarders, try to make sure that people really only see you doing the roll part and ending up standing. Or they can also see the brilliant heel turn portion of the move, but nothing else. All other parts of The Fall (TM) must either be executed by those with no pride or done in secret, very quickly when the run is empty. Given that this never happens, suck it up and try and work out the timing so that you're only embarrassing yourself when non-important people are around, and then hope that you don't see them in the lodge.)
posted by LadyJay @ 9:59 AM
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