CLPA #2
An Attractive Man is the Most Compelling Thing in the Universe - - 27
Nice start, eh? Properly spelled, confident, promising much… until you scroll down the page and realize that he ripped the title off from another guy’s post about how “An Attractive Woman is the Most Compelling Thing in the Universe”. Trying to decide which one is more compelling. Will get back to you.Hay Laidies Hot guy looking for a great girl in the Seattle area, to have out with,Sorry Laidies i dont like Smokers,
Now we experience the man’s true voice! He’s hot! He wants to have out! He doesn’t like capitalized smokers! No word on lower case, or what exactly he means by having out. My guess is that he’s tipped his hand by spelling “Ladies” as “LAIDies”. Huh huh. Get it? LAID. I enjoy moon light walks on the Beach and going hiching,Loves the out Doors,
He loves beaches! Hiching! Doors! Commas! Improper capitalization! This makes me think: What dating options do women have if they don’t like moonlit walks on the beach? Almost every ad throws that in, and it’s tossed around like some sort of extra-special bonus advanced dating activity. What if she’s afraid of sand? What if she only really likes walking the beach at dawn? What if she’s watched JAWS too many times and gets panic attacks if less than 100 feet from the ocean? That poor, poor woman. Hopefully she still likes hiching, then she might have a chance.
I got Sexey Deep Hazel Green Eyes that you will Like,I got a vary good Additude,. i have more pics but need to upLoade them
He already knows deep down that you will like his eyes. No, you WILL like his eyes! You have no power to resist, particularly after viewing his pics – sorry, cannot contain the snicker any longer…
(The pic of this guy is a piece of work. Imagine a pale, glassy-eyed college student with hair spiked/gelled in every direction. He is standing, awkwardly cropped away from whomever his arm was previously embracing, in a random park and staring at something roughly 5 feet to the left of the photographer. The stare is somewhere between the line of bored and frightened, and his mouth is hanging ever so slightly open.)
CL personal ads
They post them, I just do a little talking back.
"I feel like walking the rain because I don't want anybody to see me crying because I don't have anybody in my loving arms.
OMG, me too! Except that I like to walk around even when it’s not raining, wearing a watering can strapped to my head with a consistent pour of droplets down my face, ‘cause it’s really hard to time all your walking for when the rain hits. Then I skip every few minutes and whistle just so people REALLY know that I’m not really crying but instead am just so happy that I spontaneously exploded water. Happy water. Damnit. I can't stay in a fool's affair believing that someone going to be there for me. I'm going to find a love of my own.
I, also, have found that fools are notoriously unreliable though very entertaining. Have you tried strapping bells to them and giving them cream pies? I’m just saying – you may not find love but you may just find a funny bone tickle or two.I been to long in the rain taking in the comfort when it came, looking back a longing for freedom of my changes I just want to be laying in someone loving arms again.
You’ve got an arm and rain fetish, don’t you? I have made that rocket clime out hell and into heaven. I just need someone to be my special occasion, I want it to be like a never ending holiday, and it’s going to take some time this time to find that woman that's in my mind...
Everyone – stand back! He’s got a woman in his mind! I need a rocket, a scalpel, a tarp, and people to sing a mix of Madonna, Christmas Carols, and the Dreidel song to keep him calm.If this ad sounds to forward then it's because I been going backwards to long. I will be rolling with the punches.
No, stop singing country! I said Madonna and Dreidels, dangit! The man wants a special occasion AND a holiday, and you’re giving him nothing but mixed metaphors and cowboy poetry.So if you are ready to reply. I'm 6'4" 235lbs Tall Dark and Handsome and have a heart of gold. I work in education and I own my first home.
What is it that you do with your second through fortieth home? Meth labs? I bet it’s meth labs (p.s. I love you!)I will not post a pic because of the nature of my job, but if you reply I'll send you one so that you can judge the book by it cover. I will share some my pic that I take to explain how I feel sometime. Thank you!!!!"
I also take pic that I explain how I feel! Sometimes I feel landscapey. Sometimes I feel like my thumb.
(Call me!)
dangit.
I think I pulled my groin.
Stop laughing!
I didn't even know girls HAD groins. All was well until I tried to swing my leg out to exit my car and a banshee wail started to explode from deep inside me. Now I enter and exit my car like an 80-year-old, and trying to sit cross legged leaves me near tears.
Injuries like this should only exist in slapstick comedies, not real life. It's somewhere near the level of pie-to-the-face (hey, I bet whipped cream in the eye could sting a little) or 2x4 to the head... which reminds me that last weekend I accidentally stepped on the rake end of a rake and almost beaned my noggin with the handle. That's it, God hates me again. He's trying to hurt me in ways that no one can possibly feel sympathy for ("ohh, you got that giant dent in your cheek from a rake handle? You poor thing!") (I won't even get into the groin thing. I can't even type the word without giggling.). I am now a cartoon character, though that means that the only injuries I really have to watch out for are:
- Anvil dropping off cliffs
- Tunnel in mountain being not actual tunnel but painted on
- TNT explosion
- Something dropping on my toe that would create a big, flattened circle where my foot used to be
- Stepping on droppings from the birds circling and tweeting over my head
For those keeping score
So what I meant to say was, instead of a 6 mile paddle followed by a day of rest followed by another 6 mile paddle, we had:
2-3 miles out
turnaround
2-3 miles back
6 miles out
6 miles back
All without a break.
WE ARE BUFF.
(now)
Raging waters, check
Sometimes you just gotta laugh.
Friday we-all took a half day off of work to catch an early ferry out to Bainbridge Island. We were late and traffic was bad, so two ferries after our original goal we finally got on the boat
(I'm going to have to do a separate timeline for CL, since she was kind of in her own world anyways. CL got lost, missed our meeting point, parked illegally, and walked on the ferry with all her gear)
We arrived at Bainbridge and located our kayak rental place, loaded up, and headed out to sea for our 6-mile paddle. Somewhere between 1/3 and 1/2 of the way (5/12ths?) the wind picked up and we were battling whitecaps and rougly 4-foot swells in our heavily loaded kayaks. Our guide (who rocks) decided that with our level of relative non-expertise, we probably shouldn't risk carrying on so we turned around and started the long paddle back. When we returned to the kayak place it was about 9-10 in the evening and by the time we got our gear back in the cars it was dark. We found a place to grab dinner and prayed that we could find a campsite that was still open. There were none. Some people wanted to take the ferry back to Seattle and try to ferry over again in the morning, but I convinced the leaders to talk to the park ranger and see if we could crash locally somewhere (I love park rangers - they are usually the coolest people) and he let us sneak into a park on the island around midnight (see? cool people), where we slept for the night.
(CL slept in the backseat of one of our cars)
(CL woke up the entire campground at approximately 7:15 a.m. by getting locked into the car and attempting to break out, which set off the car alarm. The car alarm was the horn at full volume, screaming HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK for a good ten minutes before we figured out what was going on and got her out of there. I think she had to pee or something.)
We woke up, oddly enough, at 7:15 despite only getting to bed at 2. Cars rolled back to the dock and we climbed back into the kayaks for paddle part deux. It went pretty smoothly, and we made it all the way to the island to meet up with our sailboat full of food/galley supplies/scuba gear. Camp was set up, dinner was cooked, a fire was lit, and I backed out of scuba diving for probably the first time because it would have been only me and CL and I was almost certain that only one of us would make it out alive.
(CL went snorkeling off the beach on the island on her own)
We had a lovely campfire, and I laughed more than I have in a long time. Funny what a few well-placed Viking impressions can do. Also, we discovered that if I wear a navy fleece jacket zipped all the way up and you take a pic of me in the firelight, it looks like my head is disembodied and floating. The hard part was trying to get the right facial expression for a disembodied floating head. Is it angry? Is it relieved to finally be free of a body? Does it have an itchy ear and is it trying to communicate that fact to those around possessing of hands?
Packing up the next day was hard. Everyone wanted to spend more time on the island (Blake Island, for those wanting a nice camping experience with more wildlife than you can handle) but we had to get back. Another 6-mile paddle brought us back to the start, and another ferry ride brought us home. And now I can't raise my arms above my head and am the proud recipient of a very bizarre glove tan line.
(And I also should say that even though CL is sometimes difficult and maddening, I am trying my hardest to enjoy her company and the bizarre element that she brings with her alternate take on reality. It's often hard for me to slow down and be more accomodating to people who aren't as fast/maneuverable/adaptable as I can be, particularly in outdoor activities, and it's come to my attention lately that I should work on that and be less frustrated since folks enjoy things at their own pace and not at mine. It's so easy to be selfish sometimes! CL had a great time, and I'm glad she came.)
(though I do wish she would have waited until 8 or 8:30 a.m. to try and leave her vehicle that morning)
bwa ha haaaa
I am about to embark upon a six mile paddle in what I'm sure will be wild and raging waters with a group that is counting on me to be a potential rescuer if things should go wrong.
SUCKERS!!!
Really, honestly now - why do people still keep putting me in positions of power and responsibility? I took a sea kayak rescuers course last weekend and all I managed to learn (besides how dirty bilge pumps look) is how to dump out of my kayak in a smooth and controlled motion, which is technically not a skill you're supposed to have. Getting back up was never quite as smooth or controlled. Helping others get back in their kayaks was an outright nightmare, and if I didn't drop them while laughing, I couldn't help myself from mocking their flopping-fish-in-pain attempts to wriggle back in on their own, and then they got mad and didn't want to be rescued anymore. Maybe I should try to rig up a rope and pulley system in the next hour or so - how hard would it be to tow an underwater trampoline?
That AND the fact that the crazy lady will be my dive buddy again this weekend promise for some good times in/out/around the water! At least it's outdoors, and camping. Somehow the combination of those two make many different potentially-horrible situations all right. I think there's some sort of secret ingredient in the campfire smoke...
Dammit, I hate it when programs erase my writing.
And the music playing on the work stereo now is making me all angsty. I think there's an accordion involved and lots of minor chords. Grr.
That's all I got.
texty
I'm clearing out my phone's text message archives and feel the need to share the randomness.
From others (these date back to '04, sadly enough):
Don't drink the punch... (from a guy who has a somewhat low opinion of my church)
Enema
Sorry I miss Mayheeco
I like pogs
Its ur upper lip (I'd been telling her that Chehalis smells funny)
Drunkity drunk
I feel noggy
So what the hell is Kwanza anyway?
My hoho fell off
I will mock him mercileslly (from a guy who I'd been bugging to come beat up the other guy I was currently on a date with. He was kind of a pacifist, I guess. Or a wuss.)
Im such a mutha
Stop drinking
Be careful
Go home! (The past four were from the time I was on a date and texting a friend about the play-by-play. Obviously it was not going well.)
Mrs leonard pannaggio
No hoo hoo 4 monk (Monkey is a bit of a crotch-sniffer)
From me:
Monkey misses your hoo hoo
My date is wearing a shirt that's older than he is
You called me with your butt
Ha ha you're peeing and i'm not
I smell cow (see - Chehalis!)
I will clap extra loud and off beat for you
Don't trust whitey
I am typing this with my toes
Toes. james toes.
dammit, i have to wear pants?!
drunky scarf
Danke por el cupboard instructions! i have made one of delft pottery and one of cheese.
Whee im old!
Drinking at the dog park is wierd (this was on a date. The more I try to explain this one the worse it sounds so I'll stop now)
Stop poking it.
I think we're having a million mexican march
Is it orange like mama?
Vegetable ignacio
And the very first text I ever sent:
I texted!
And the second:
I feel so prove right now. (my phone has word recognition software that gives options for letter combinations, and I didn't figure out how to change the automatic settings for a while)
Ahh, modern life.
