The monkey made me do it

texty 2

Some things are just too good to go to waste.

Incoming text messages from the past year or so:
I luv gum
Perky yet understated
Just got outta work. 3 flat tires? U shoulda sacrificed a potato or whatever vegheads sacrifice.
Is that what started the slapping?
So do trapist monks
They sell undies here
My mother almost drove me 2 heroin
Ben & Jerry's makes me feel like less of a person
Got all i need except a man w/wings
Should I slip veggie slices under your door? (I think I was sick at the time)
Parasitic twins! Woo! Ch.4 (she's telling me that our favorite subject is on channel 4)
No es woo? (I don't get channel 4)
El woo (I got over it)
No carrots. Wiskey & donuts.
Moo-hic-moo
Really concentrating on my leaves.
U can still B a honky and hung like a donkey!
Here i come 4 2 c u!
I hear u roar
Ur armpits smell like onion
I c a dead chicken in my future

Outgoing text messages:
WOO new phone! Now I can take pics of my butt 4 the world 2 c
Giant sweat pants
Holy marinade
SOFT JAZZ. WHITE PEOPLE CLAPPING.
A friend was talking about their friend Ali and I heard it as Ollie and was confused they were Muslim
Three cheetos and a dream
Cover it with a tarp, I guess
On my way back from backpacking and am far too smelly for god
Talking about poo again
Ur head is webbed
A little bacon n cheese and they forget everything
Sometimes when I stretch it just happens
Ain't no casual like a business casual cause a business casual don't stop
scuse u, gassy McBelchypants
Note to self do not stutter
You need ice cream and a puppy
GUMMY MUSTACHES ON CUPCAKES!
Mushcakes!
Reminds me of those kids who won't eat anything with color. FOOD RACIST
FOOD NECROPHELIAC
DONT EAT ALL THE TATERS
Plug one nostril and see what happens
Set that gas free!
HOLY CRAP I JUST PEED MY PANTS (I think this was after I got Ali G Season One on DVD)
I cut you in the park
Monkey just hacked up a hairball in solidarity
Uh oh are you going thru a tunnel towards a light? TURN AROUND!
Its little dandruff flakes straight from the lord
The dandruff of love
Im a freaking volcano
Goodnight lawnmower

posted by LadyJay @ 10:08 AM